TRUST...that scary 5 letter word!

     How many of us are in a relationship? Wait...let me rephrase that question...How many of us are in a committed, loyal and faithful relationship? I bet all of us would like to raise our own hand without a doubt, huh? Too bad some people can't. You know why? I've noticed a lot of women don't feel secure and confident in their relationships with their men. These insecurities will effect your connection with that other human being immensely! Too many of my friends have stated they had to go through their man's phone to see who he called and texted that day. They check his emails. They go through his pockets. They grill him about where he's going...where he went...who he was with...who he's meeting up with...how much gas he used to get there...is that where you really went? Why do you look so happy? Did another girl make you smile? Did you smile back? You took her out for drinks, huh? Is that why you took money out the bank? Are you trynna hide your evidence? Who is she? Let me smell your dick! (Baby Boy fans know about that line.)

     My point is...ladies stress themselves out too much about trusting their men. This is NOT what a relationship should be about. You should not have to always be on your defense when it comes to protecting what you and him have built and what you could possibly establish in the future. There is no way you will have the chance to grow in this partnership if you don't TRUST him. We don't give men enough credit a lot of the time. They aren't all scum. There are a lot of men who want to be in trusting relationships and who only have eyes for that one woman. But it will NOT be the woman who is constantly nagging him and calling him a liar or a cheater. Those are the type of women who men try to avoid when it comes to getting serious. Trust me, I know this stuff. Not because I am one of those women...but because I used to be one of those women.

     I'm sure many of us have been there and done that. I found myself spending more time wondering what schemes this man could be pulling off when I'm not around and not enough time actually learning about him and loving him. I had my guard up because I had been burned in the past. It's common...it happens to all of us and it's a learning process. Dating won't always be fun and enjoyable. There will be times where we wished we never met this person and gave them the time of day. But that is the only way we discover what type of person we like and what type of person we want to stay away from. I'm not saying you will never be cheated on or lied to. But I AM telling you to let your guard down. You might surprise yourself at how much more relaxed and enjoyable spending time with that special person will be. Stop letting your mind wander about what he did last night when he was out with his boys. If he got another girls number...or whatever. If a man wants to cheat on you...he's going to do it no matter how often you do or do not check his phone. You may catch him sooner by being all up in his stuff but how irritating to spend time being a detective 24 hours a day and not just going with the flow.

     Trust that he's in it for the right reasons. Of course, if you have the gut feeling that something isn't right...then a little questioning may be necessary. But honestly, if I was a man and my girl was always suspicious that I was cheating even though I wasn't---I have no reason not to now. Might as well commit the crime I've already been sentenced for...

-J


"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." - Ernest Hemingway

S-E-X

     Sex. Such a taboo subject, right? The topic that we all whisper about with our friends. But why are we whispering? We all think about it, eventually experience it, can relate to it. It's a normal part of day-to-day interaction. Without sex, there would be no human race! I felt the need to say something about this "unspeakable" subject since a lot of people are always giving me shit for being too open and sharing a little too much. Well, if you're one of those people...EXIT NOW!!! Here are a few bullet points I've discussed with some people before writing this blog...I wonder if you'll agree. 

     THE BEST SEX: When you are in love with someone and you share a vulnerability between the two of you, this can make for the best sex. An infatuation and a craving to be with one person only makes the experience that much greater. Some people like to be caressed and some people like to be slapped...but whatever your preference, you always want your partner to know what it is you like. And this is why I personally promote being with ONE partner. This one person will get to know you're likes, your dislikes, your ins and outs...no pun intended. (Okay, maybe a little.) But who am I to judge...a lot of people would disagree with me.  

     THE WORST SEX: I think we can all agree, however, that the worst sex would be when there is no kind of connection to the person you're laying next to...or on top of. Yeah, anyone can "lick you up and down, til you say stop"...but when all is said and done, how satisfied are you? Do you ever feel like you've just had sex with a cardboard box? There's no emotion involved, therefore, the passion and the lust that are lacking from this interaction could be the same elements that could have made this the BEST SEX of your life. And for you guys who leave the club with a different chick every weekend, and believe you're God's Gift to women because you THINK you're throwing down from all the moaning and groaning she's projecting...she's really just trying to sound satisfied so you'll get off of her sooner. She has no connection with you. She was just trying to get it in before the night is over...just like you. But I can gaurantee she isn't going to go back to her girls and say "Oh Em Gee...that was the best sex of my life." Maybe she'll say "He had nice fabric in his backseat...my butt didn't get cold." 

Winner, Winner...Chicken Dinner. 

-J

"Sex is emotion in motion."-Mae West 

Soft Spot...

Five days out of the week I hit my snooze button around 4:45am…wake back up around 5am…and roll myself out of my warm, cozy, Posturepedic bed. I slowly drag myself to the bathroom to start my morning ritual that involves Crest toothpaste, Vaseline brand lotion and the pop of a birth control pill.  That last action is critical. I can forget to put on deodorant one day. I may even forget to floss once in a while. But I CANNOT forget to make time for that one little pill that could determine the need for a bigger car, another room in the house and a whole new wardrobe!  Missing that pill can alter a life in more ways than one…

Becoming a parent is definitely life changing. You no longer have only yourself to worry about. All of a sudden you are in charge of making sure another person is clothed, fed, bathed, housed and tucked in at night. Your “free time” no longer exists. Any of this so-called “free time” will be spent doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, preparing meals, or staring at your child while they sleep. Your “personal time” consists of the 5-minute showers you are rushing to take. Becoming a parent means you are giving yourself away…to your children. They own you now.

The first time I got pregnant I was only 19 years old. I was living in a city almost 4 hours away from my family and was already struggling to support JUST myself. I had been with my boyfriend for about 6 months at the time. We talked about the possibility of terminating the pregnancy since we were in no position to support a family—and again, we had been together only SIX MONTHS. I had always envisioned myself to be married for a few years and then push my first Bebe kid out around the age of 31. So I was about 12 years off track. Anyways, even though we didn’t see a child fitting into our plans at such young ages, we felt neither of us had the heart or the desire to abort a blessing. We decided to go through with the pregnancy and let everything fall into place. Being strong believers in our faith and having very supportive families, we were scared but we knew we would find a way to raise this child.

I was 12 weeks along, so I wasn’t showing in the belly yet. I had no morning sickness. My appetite hadn’t started to change. So we had to mentally prepare ourselves for this first doctor’s visit. We knew this was going to be the moment reality was really going to set in--when we would get to finally see our baby’s heartbeat on the monitor. The doctor pulled out what looked like a big plastic wand and put a condom on it. He explained he was going to insert it into me so we could take a look at the progression of the pregnancy. (For a second, I thought I was being Punk’d!) Turns out, this is standard procedure…but I still looked at the father of my unborn child from the side of my eye…as if to let him know I was fine if he wanted to knock this pervert out! Lol

We were holding hands, giggling, ready to see our child’s heart beating. But when the sonogram began we could clearly see there was no embryo inside of me. The doctor looked just as confused as we did. All of the pregnancy tests had come back positive, my hormone levels had been constantly rising…where the hell was my baby???!

Turns out, I had developed a molar pregnancy. I had a placenta growing without an embryo. This happens to about 1 out of every 1,000 pregnancies. The doctor left the room to give us time to digest the opposite of what we had prepared weeks for. I had already grown to love the child that I thought was growing inside of me. We came to the conclusion that God had a bigger plan for us, though. Knowing we were going to have a hard time building financial stability for a family at this time, it was a relief. Six years has gone by though, and I still think about how painful that loss was for us.

Five days out of the week I get up before the sun does. Prior to rolling out of bed, I look over at the man I have been through so much with. 6 years ago, we had a mean reality check…we felt like we had the whole world in our palms just to have it knocked out of our hands in a split second. I kiss him, tell him I love him and prepare to spend the next 9 hours away from him and our three children that we’ve been blessed with. The three little girls whose smiles can make all of my disappointments and worries disappear. As tired as I am when I walk out that front door, I know everything I do...I do for them. 

They own me. And I have no problem with that.

-J

"Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven." - Henry Ward Beecher

We Hold The Power In Our IPhone...

     I am 26 years old. I have been out of high school for almost 10 years. So much has changed since then. Technology has come such a long way...social networking sites, Android phones and cars that can run on electricity! (That last one isn't really relevant to this post...but it still amazes me.) 

     Who knew that in 2012 we would be able to talk to our relative across the world, face-to-face, at the click of a button? I thought I was super cool with my flip phone in the 10th grade...and this is even before texting became unlimited...I had to pay 25 cents per text--or something like that. We have the capability to tweet a message to thousands of people at one time--using acronyms like "LOL", "LMAO", "WTF" and "BRB"--and all thousands of those people would understand exactly what you were saying. You can post a picture of yourself sitting pretty onto Facebook, and 25 seconds later you have 100 people who have "liked" your photo...but they're not really "liking" it. They're trying to acknowledge the fact that they've just seen you take a picture of yourself while you're sitting on the toilet...and the mirror in the background has exposed this!! But you were too quick to push that "Post to Facebook" button on your phone before you carefully reviewed your flick! Silly girl. 

     The one thing Myspace, Facebook, Twitter and all these similar sites are mainly used for is

---PROMOTION!!! We are all promoting ourselves, our opinions, our businesses, our favorite celebrities...

     We're living in a generation of convenience. It is so easy for us to communicate, advertise, publicize and convey messages that mean something. I want to give a shout out to the "Do-ers". The Do-ers are the people who are using these outlets to not only promote themselves (and there's nothing wrong with that) but to promote some kind of cause or movement. Positive campaigns and pushes for change. I am proud to open up my timeline and see someone urging their peers to get tested for AIDS or seeing a picture of them donating their time and energy to participate in a food drive. Beach cleanups, blood and bone marrow donations, kid's arts and crafts, toy drives, Big Brother/Big Sister participation, anti-violence rallies...

     There are so many fights to fight. So many causes and concerns that need to be addressed. While we are sitting at home on our Mac Book browsing TMZ and simultaneously listening to Pandora on our iPhone, we are missing out on our full potential! We have been given the power of voice and expression like no other generation has ever had. If we wanted to, we could videotape ourselves burning our bras and post it on YouTube for the whole world to see that same day! We don't have to wait for our act of defiance to circulate via telegram or a newspaper. We have the ability to make our voices just as loud as policymakers...maybe even louder at times! 

     My point: complete your daily grind of posting pictures, updating your statuses, tweeting your favorite quotes and re-posting viral videos. But also, consider what kind of positive mark you can leave by using all of these favorite tools. You can become active in making a change in the community you grew up in, the area you want to raise your kids or the entire world in general. The recent KONY 2012 movement is a great example of how social networking can be your worldwide ad campaign. The best part---fighting or standing up for a cause costs nothing. It's FREE! At least monetarily...you won't have to come out of pocket. (Unless you decide to.) It will require your attention, your thought, your energy and your time. But these are all components that we already sacrifice to technology for free everyday. 

     Who's with me to stop posting statuses complaining about social injustice...unless we're taking the time to tweet about ways to change it?

-J

"I wondered why somebody didn't do something.  Then I realized, I am somebody." -

Author Unknown